the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
