Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
