I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
