Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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