I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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