The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize