i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
