i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
