I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
