I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
