you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
