4 words: hood of his car
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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