The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Are my feet made of real feet?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
