the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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