Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
