He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
