Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
