Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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