wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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