I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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