How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
