I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
there is puke in my bra ... again
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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