I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
