we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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