Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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