He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
