Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
