I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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