Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
