hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
