two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
