I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
