Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
