This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
