Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
