Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
