did you get engaged???
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
