just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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