I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
BRING THE BAGELS
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
