But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I woke up under a house in Key West
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