she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
