I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize