i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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