If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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