i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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