she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
