I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
