I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
