maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Randomize
