God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize