Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
