At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
