I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
