do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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