Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
And then he peed in my hair
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