I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Alive.
So much puke
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
