Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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