It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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