i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
