So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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