I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
