Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
