Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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