the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
