it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
