He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
