Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
