I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
