Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
