I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
