I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
