but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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