wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
