so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
